Archive for April, 2010

How many times have you heard people say they perform best under pressure?  In our society the idea that applying pressure to a situation will reap the best results is very prevalent. It’s such a part of our psyche that we do it subconsciously. For many of us it’s a part of life, basically second nature. 

I’m not here to say whether our national obsession with pressure is right or wrong. However, I have noticed a significant pattern between my clients overall mental and physical well being and the amount of pressure they apply to themselves. It reminds me of a two liter bottle of soda that reads “contents under pressure”. Many of us are that soda bottle building with pressure until we feel we are going to explode and sometimes we do. What I see on a daily basis is clients who are suffering from putting too much pressure on themselves and don’t realize even realize it. Why? Because it seems natural to be on edge, the whole fight or fight thing.

The drawback is that our body and mind are not made to feel this way all the time. And all that built up pressure starts to feel uncomfortable. Then when we ignore the uncomfortable feeling, it turns into the physical: head ache, stomach ache, and tension. This is happening because “the contents” are under pressure and it’s building without any release.

There is no real way to avoid all pressure in our society, things will happen and the stress will build. It’s more of a matter of finding way to release the pressure. If you are an athlete and you are pressured in a tie game to win, you will naturally let go of the adrenaline and pressure through the physical activity. But what do you do if you sit at a desk all day to release pressure?

 Here are some suggestions:

• Take control of the level of pressure you put on yourself. Instead of criticizing yourself and forcing yourself to work harder, add some breaks to your day. Use this time, even if it is only 3 minutes to do something you enjoy like listen to music.
• Add physical activity to your day, wherever and whenever you can, even if it’s just 15 minutes a day. It will release your stress.
• Do something just for the fun of it. Allow yourself to play like you were a kid again. This type of play helps to bring the good feeling back to your brain.
• Breathe. Sounds odd since we do it naturally. The trick is to breathe deeply. Take a minute in the morning, afternoon, and evening to concentrate for 60 seconds on deep breathing. This will help you let go of the pressure and focus better. 

If you work well under pressure and are able to let it go at the end of the workday then you may be naturally releasing the pressure. If you notice that you keep trying and you aren’t getting the results you desire, it’s time to release the pressure. Ask yourself why you are applying pressure and what you think the outcome will be. Then try to create other ways to achieve the same outcome that feel good to you. For many of my clients they are actually more productive when they take the pressure off and allow themselves to work at a comfortable pace.

You are smart, motivated, and success oriented. You know exactly what you want to do, but somehow it’s not happening. Or you are doing a lot and not yielding the results you are desiring? It’s the toughest spot to be in, the middle.  You have past the point of uncertainty (or maybe you never were uncertain) and can see what you want so clearly, but somehow you feel motionless, feet planted firmly on the ground.

There are a myriad of reason that you may feel stuck in the middle. Here are some examples from clients I have worked with: 

• Trying Too Hard: Even with the best of intentions you can over do things. I have worked with people that put so much detail and time into every task before them that they actually deplete their best energy levels, not to mention their bodies. Sometimes, overdoing something in an effort to force good results yields the opposite.
• Setting Unrealistic Expectations: Are you a list person? It’s not a bad thing, but are your lists so long that it would take a team of people to accomplish everything? Making goals that don’t work with your lifestyle and time restrictions will leave you feeling like you can’t catch up. Being unrealistic in the short term will make you feel unsuccessful in the long term.
• Not Asking for Help: Even CEO’s of major companies have coaches and consultants. Why? Because even when you know what to do, having someone to present a different angle on moving forward helps you gain perspective. You can also ask a friend or coworker for their input. It doesn’t mean you don’t believe in your own ability to make a decision or achieve something. There might be some small detail that is holding you back, once you discover it a big shift can occur.

There are a few simple, yet effective techniques that you can use to when you find yourself in the middle. The first is just to relax and breathe. It may sound counterintuitive at first, but if you relax your mind and body, getting stuff done becomes easier. You can be more effective from a calm focused brain, rather than a frantic non stop one.

Don’t resist your circumstances. Accept you are in the middle and get comfortable with it. From this place you can focus on your choices and make decisions that feel good to you right now. Too many times we make future based decisions that leave us grasping to get it all done quickly, which puts us right back in frustration and ultimately dissatisfaction with our efforts. Break the cycle by creating a system that feels good to you. Success is emanating a confidence that comes from a joyful and satisfied place.

I worked with a client recently who is in a situation that is familiar in this economy. After being unemployed for 5 months, she took a job that is far from where she would like to be at this point in her career. Though the job is in her career field, she is overqualified.  She’s got the drive, motivation, and ideas but says she is stuck in a situation that leaves her feeling bored and without any choices in her life. And of course when you feel bored and powerless, a little bit of anger starts to brew. 

For the first part of the session she stewed about all the things that were wrong with this job. As the list continued I could sense her resistance to her situation getting stronger and stronger. After she got it all out, I asked her for her choices. Of course she said she had none. It’s at this point that I ask my clients to dig a little deeper. We acknowledge that there is a part of the situation that is crappy. But unless you choose to leave the job, you need to accept what is. In her case, she had to accept that there were elements of the job that were not pleasant and that she was not in her ideal job. 

Once she acknowledged and accepted “what is”, she could now let go of her resistance. Releasing existence doesn’t mean you suddenly fall in love with your job, it means you choose to not let it affect your every thought and action in and outside of work be affected by the unsavory work environment.

Then I asked her what she really wanted to do with her career. Full of passion, she detailed a project that she was really excited about. Suddenly, she realized how she could use her position as a spring board for the project. All of the resources and even the people were in front of her at the job she previously referred to as a waste. Now she realized that she has the choice to better her job by creating opportunities that will help her in the future. The end result: replacing frustration with a sense of joy and purpose.

Here are some tips for shifting from resistance to choice:

• Acknowledge your disappointment and accept the situation
• Limit the time you spend dwelling on the situation. Resistance will drain your energy and keep you stuck
• Focus on the potential opportunities of your situation
• Create an end game and make steps each day that bring you closer
• Incorporate the things that bring you joy into your work. It could be as big as a walk in the park during your break or as small as a flower or favorite picture on your desk 

The challenge here is to learn how to co-exist peacefully in a job or situation that is not your ideal. That’s where the most personal and professional growth happens.

You can change your life fairly quickly by using a new approaches and changing your patterns. However, change is difficult. Many people claim to have the burning desire to change their job, career, and life. They become so desperate for change that they give up in frustration when it doesn’t happen right away.

I realized recently that change doesn’t happen until you are ready for it. How do you become ready for change? You align yourself in mind, body, and spirit with what you want. This became crystal clear to me when I picked up a book I was given 15 years ago. I was twenty years old and just embarking on developing a career path. I always knew I wanted to write. I got into a conversation with an employee at a book store. He handed me a book called “If You Want to Write” by Barbara Ueland; insisting it was the book to read if you wanted to write and be creative. I purchased it, looked at it a few times but never read it. I mean who really has the time, right?

It finally jumped from my shelf into my hands a few weeks ago. Reading it I am seeing how clearly it fits my career path and compliments what I believe in. Basically it was what I could have used all along. So why did I never pick it up? Because I was not aligned with my purpose. I was busy running after every idea that seemed “right” and logical in the eyes of the world, but I was never aligned with what I was pursuing. In simple terms, I was disconnected from my purpose and not ready for the changes that would allow the space to be connected. I was looking for change so hard, that I created a lot of frustration and pain for myself, instead of realizing I wasn’t quite ready and needed to be comfortable with that. What’s different now? I am completely connected to what my mission is and who I am in the world. 

For those of you who are looking for ways to become aligned with their purpose, here are some tips:

• Be Kind to Yourself: Give yourself the gift of patience in trying to move ahead.
• Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable: You and your social network may be uncomfortable with the changes you make, accept uncomfortability as part of the process
• Be Open to the Voice in your head that tells you what feels right to you
• Change is Constant: It may feel like changes aren’t happening at all. If you open yourself up to the smallest of changes, you will see that changes will happen faster. The key is allowing the space for them to emerge without labeling them fast or slow, right or wrong.

In the current economic mood of the nation, it may seem difficult to be slow down and become comfortable with the change. People are grappling with feelings of fear and scarcity and feel like they have to make things happen. Consider what I’ve mentioned in the past; when you walk in for a job interview who is the employer more likely to hire: the frazzled, desperate sounding applicant who will take any job or the confident applicant who is aligned with who they are and what they can offer to the company.