Archive for February, 2011

I used to be an all or nothing person and I have to admit that it was pretty painful. All of that pressure, stress, and intense effort put into one thing is a great recipe for exhaustion and burnout. Only I didn’t know that, I just thought if you wanted something bad enough you just pushed yourself as hard as possible. After years of this, I realized that though I was getting things accomplished, I felt like crap. I was also measuring myself with a level of intense perfection. Not a pretty scene and it became clear to me that there had to be another way.


I see this “all or nothing” syndrome all the time in my clients. It usually comes in two forms. The first are my clients who know exactly what they want and when it doesn’t happen immediately they give up. The other group are my clients who think they have to give there all to just one thing; like their job. They put so much time in they are burnt out and exhausted. They have no time or energy for what they really want. “All or nothing” is a good dream squelcher.


The good news is that there is a remedy. First and foremost, you must allow the time and space for the goal to happen. We can’t force everything in life and giving up too soon means we are stopping circumstances from working in our favor. This part takes belief that it can happen.


The second part of the solution is creating a plan that is realistic to our lifestyle and creating steps that make sense to who we are, what we are about, and where we are at in this moment. Sometimes the steps we create are too large and don’t mesh with the other circumstances in our lives.  It’s no mystery why they don’t work. Being realistic means creating a framework, steps, and a time frame that is achievable to you, even if it takes a little longer.


When you feel doubt and discouragement creep in. Start looking at your why. Why do you want this thing? Why is this important to you? In your “why” you will find lots of answers about your passion, what you really want, and why you need to keep going. Your why will help you get past the nagging question of “how” can I make this happen. It will also make you realize that it is an imperfect process that doesn’t have to occur in a measured time for you to be happy.


You can give 100% at your job and still allow yourself to enjoy the rest of your life. If you are looking to work on a side project or go back to school, the key is balance. Find ways to give your all in the time allotted for work and allow yourself some times during the week to rest. In this rest time a plan will form, that will help you create a new schedule that let’s you shine at work and work on your dreams at the same time.

There was a time in my life when I really cared about what everyone thought and I put a lot of stake in how people reacted to me. As you can probably guess, this totally stifled not only my creativity, but also my ability to be brave and try new things. The curious thing is that half the time I didn’t know I was doing it. It was just how my brain was worked, an automatic response or so I thought. After recovering from years of reactive thinking which yielded nothing but frustration, I discovered what is known in scientific terms, as “what wires is what fires”. All of the thoughts and opinions around me were what my brain used to identify what was the right and safe thing for me.


It’s only natural. The brain was doing its job of making associations and the society was doing its job of making sure things are somewhat orderly. Associations serve their purpose and so do rules, the problem is when they stop you from being who you want to be and doing what you love.


The first time I felt a shift in my thinking was when I heard my coach mentor, Martha Beck, talk about “everybody”. Your “everybody” is a small group of people (typically 5 or 6) who have large opinions about the right way to be, act, and think in the world. And when this group tells you no you believe it.


When you get an inkling that you might want to change careers or start a business, you will most like hear the “everybody” voices. And when you actually say what you want to do out loud, you may hear a lot of this coming from everybody’s mouth. At times, you may fall back into believing that the “no” you are hearing is an undeniable truth.


The trick is learning to recognize that it’s just the” everybody” voice. Then finding a group of your own “everybody” that supports what you are doing. At first these people may be imaginary and that might feel a bit creepy, but the more you surround yourself with these new voices the less you will be affected by the “no”. It may make you feel less strange to know that highly successful people like Jim Collins, a leader of major companies and author of “Good to Great” attribute it to their own success. When you start going for what you want, your real world support system will grow.


When I was leaving my job and starting my biz I heard a lot of no’s. When I decided to move to Texas for the winter I heard more no’s. When I finally did exactly what I wanted and disregarded the no’s, I noticed something very interesting. The strongest no’s turned into ”how did you do that”? You see, people often resist new ideas, adventures, or ways of doing things not because it’s the wrong thing to do, but because they are scared. They are reacting with their own fear. The best thing you can do for yourself is to chalk off their resistance to “being an everybody” and focus on you. Do the things that make you feel good; make the career decisions that work for you. In the end, you may notice a ripple effect of others allowing themselves to follow their own path


If you are still exploring what your “yes” is you can try this out at work. Notice the no’s without reacting, then keep working towards your yes by focusing on doing things a little differently. It’s the small things at first. Making these small shifts will open you up to larger ideas: like what your next big step is.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a morning person. I’ll always opt for the snooze alarm if possible. After hitting the snooze alarm, what’s next? Clients come to me saying they have no energy because they use it up all day every day at their jobs. When we talk about their day, I find most of them start their days the same. They wake up, rush to get themselves ready, shove down a small amount of food, and head out the door.


I can say from personal experience that the snooze alarm syndrome and then the rush out the door is the biggest way to kill our energy and ultimately our inspiration. It becomes a pattern after months of exhausting ourselves day in and day out. We have the intention of doing our morning differently but just feel too tired to actually try. The problem is that the constant rush of stress in the morning sets a tone for the rest of the day: we are just trying to catch up. We react to our days instead of creating them.


One of the keys to success is being centered and having a laser focus on what it is you wish to achieve. If you are really busy running around and always playing catch up; you may miss out on the clues that are within you. How do you tap into that source? Create a new morning ritual for yourself. Something in which you are not reacting to your alarm, your e-mail, or the other list of to do’s in the morning.


You can start by giving yourself a few moments each morning. It can be any amount of time that works for you: fifteen minutes or just two minutes. Make this time a priority. I’m not telling the snooze alarm addicts to go cold turkey, but limit it to one or two, as opposed to four. Use this extra time to figure out what you really want and how you are going to get there. Don’t force yourself to come up with a plan, just allow yourself to be.


What do you do with these few moments? Here are a few ideas, but feel free to invent your own:


1) Read inspirational text

2)    Write a few things you are grateful for

3)    Look at some goals you have planned, what’s one thing you can do today to meet that goal?

4)    Take a few deep breaths

5)    If you’re into it, meditate


The point is to let go of all the forcing you do in the morning. Allow yourself a few minutes to do something quiet, calming, and unforced. What does this do? It clears your mind for the day. It allows you to intentionally create your mindset, regardless of circumstance.


How does this help at work? A relaxing morning ritual will actually start creating new neuron pathways in your brain that will help you start to handle situations at work differently. Since you will have shaken off that residual morning stress, you will be less inclined to react with defense and more likely be able to see new angles in approaching all kinds of situations. Your mind will be more clear and open to new ideas, which will allow you to be more successful. Will it happen right away? No. But as you make it a habit it will slowly change how your approach your entire day. Instead of being a habit it may become a ritual that you can’t live without.