Archive for July, 2011

I’ve been traveling for business this week and have reveling in the a-ha’s you get from spending time with other entrepreneurs! This week’s post is short and simple with a big tip on how to view your purpose.


I spent the last three days at a business conference focused on the notion of purpose. Many clients come to because they are uncomfortable in their job or other part of their life and think it is because they don’t know their purpose. What they do know is that just because you are good at something, all the trying in the world won’t make you love it.


What stuck out in the my mind was a discussion that evolved about purpose. More specifically, that you will not know your purpose immediately, it will begin with just a sense.


That’s the most difficult part, accepting that it is a process. You will not know it immediately, it will simply evolve. That’s not to say that it will evolve out of thin air with no effort on your part. You will have to evolve, taking steps into what delights you. As my mentor Christine Kane put it: “Taking action heals you”. Thinking alone can’t bring you what you most desire, you must be brave enough to take action. Once action is taken, you will be one step closer to your purpose.


Share your thoughts on purpose, I’d love to hear what you have to say!

I’m writing this from a train in the South of France that’s headed to my next destination: Paris. I have been to France and other parts of Europe many times, but I did something drastically different this time: I slowed down.


You might be thinking it’s vacation; of course you slowed down. But that’s rarely the case with me.


Being a high energy person married to an even higher energy person, slowing down on vacation or any other part of life never felt easy to me.


In the past my vacations were always very busy moving from one breathtaking site to another constantly by train, plane or automobile. Always making sure to take in as much as possible, not wanting to “miss out” on anything. But there’s a big difference between wanting to see or do something and “having to”.


It’s when you put the have to’s in front of everything that it cramps your fun, adds pressure, and makes everything feel hyper-important. You’ll know it’s a “have to” when it wears you down, preoccupies your thoughts, and tenses your body.


In that state, you miss all the fun things around you.


So this time around I slowed it way down. I paid attention to what I felt and needed at every moment. By doing that I remained present and open to whatever was right in front of me.

If I need to sleep later, I did.


If I felt going to another town or tourist site felt like too much work, I didn’t do it.


I followed what my body told me.


The results:


A wonderful mid-day massage on the top of a hill at my resort that overlooked the breathtaking beautiful valley.


Meeting a French Fighter Pilot and his wife at a local winery and taking a short hike together to view some ancient Roman ruins. On the way, his friend showed us all of the local herbs growing on the hillside. We plucked a few and were enamored with the fragrance of sweet mint, thyme, and lavender.


We spent many a meal laughing with our waiter Baptiste, learning some French along the way.


We met another American couple while visiting the Lavender museum and it turns out they were staying in our hotel. After a drive up to the heart of Lavender country together, and a lunch, we realized we had found travel buddies with whom we had so much in common. After two dinners and several amusing moments of trying to figure out the French language together, we made plans to meet up in the states. It turns out they live only an hour away from us!


All of this happened because we slowed down. We became very focused on what was in front of us. Was it perfect? Of course not! At times there were headaches, tummy aches, and slightly stressful events, but they all pale in comparison to the connections we made and the sights we not just saw, but experienced.


So next time you find yourself in the throes of planning, expecting, shoulding, or worrying: remind yourself to slow down… you’ll be surprised at what appears.

The concept of going to extreme measures to find yourself has always been a mystery to me. I am always curious about why people think they have to sit in hot tents after fasting (James Arthur Ray style) or walk over hot coals to be enlightened. The most adventurous go on a long journey throughout the desert with no water. They all do it to prove that they can overcome their fears and withstand the anxiety created by situations that most people would never attempt.


There’s a reason why most of us wouldn’t do it: it hurts!


I’ve never done those things so I’m not here to judge those who have and I honestly don’t know how much it helps them. If it works for them, than that’s wonderful.


My message to the rest of us: I  don’t think finding yourself has to hurt.


In fact, some of my clients come to me with physical pain caused by stress that they want to rid themselves of. They think life without the stress symptoms will give them freedom. Even if you are not suffering physically, you can relate this to any situation in your life. Does “If I had a different job or spouse I would be happy” sound familiar?


What I’ve learned through work with my clients and myself is that changing the external never works.


While walking through the desert for three days or walking over hot coals may give you confidence in the moment, that external act cannot give you the freedom you desire.


When I asked one of my clients what she would do if she was symptom free, exactly 10 other issues came to the surface that prevented her from attaining the freedom and happiness she desired.


It is never the external circumstance, it is always the internal feeling that we are seeking.


Changing the internal is hard. Sometimes it is painful to recognize the thoughts, patterns, etc. that have kept your mind trapped for years. The hardest part is being brave enough to just allow them to be there.


When you do get there it’s a feeling of bliss. It’s like you’re a kid again with a whole new world to explore. No one is telling you it isn’t right to play in the sandbox so long or why you have to use the red crayon. Even if they did you wouldn’t even hear it because your mind would be so geared towards feeling good doing exactly what you like in that moment.


Think about an external thing you’d like to change. Imagine it’s grip on you disintegrating over hot coals or melting in a hot desert. Imagine it melting away, completely absent from your life. Then create yourself, your life, from the inside out.