Everyone is looking for the answer.

 

They want to know the best way to get a healthier body, a better mindset, a relationship, or a new job.

 

They believe the answer is eluding them somehow. They should know it by now.

 

That’s when I tell them: they do.

 

It’s in their body. It’s in all our bodies. We all have it in equal measure. It is our inner voice, our intuition, and our inner wisdom. Call it what you like: it’s a part of us that’s always there waiting to be listened to.

 

When I tell my clients that all they need to do is listen to their bodies their first question is: “how long do you do meditate?” And then “you mean like yoga?” comes in a close second.

 

It seems that there is an idea floating around that meditation and yoga are the only ways to access our inner wisdom.

 

They are often surprised when I tell them that I don’t do conventional meditation and when I do get still it’s only for around 5 to 10 minutes at a time. Sure at first when I read a vast array of articles that prove the positive effects of meditation and yoga I thought it was a great idea. And I was getting good benefits from it. But at some point it felt like I was forcing myself to do it.  A few years ago I made the decision to trust what my body was telling me.

 

I didn’t stop doing meditation and yoga cold turkey; I just decided to do it my own way.  I put it when in my weekly schedule without a time limit and it gets done. What inspires me to keep doing it each week is I put no time restrictions on it or rules around it. I do it my way for however long or short I feel like it.

 

And it’s not the only way…

 

On some days exercise does the trick. Other days it is just spending time with images. It’s really about making the time be what I want it to be.

 

Not only does this help me relax my body, it makes me feel completely free. And in that freedom the “answers” come.

 

You can’t force clarity. You can’t force yourself into health. You can’t force yourself into a new career tomorrow.

 

The less you force, the more you hear.  Trust in yourself that you know exactly what you need and you’ll find the answers.

2011 was a really hard year for me. Quite possibly one of the hardest years of my life. So I probably shouldn’t have been surprised that I found myself with an upset and queasy stomach, as I got ready for a New Year’s party at a friend’s house. You see I had been at the same party with the same people last year. Only then everything was fresh and new, full of the promise that comes from creating a brand new life. I was finally doing what I had dreamed of.

 

I was surrounded by friends, my physical environment was beautiful, and everything with my business was going as planned.

 

Just a few months after that party, I was dealt with one disappointment after the next. By March I found myself broken down physically and mentally from an accident that I did not cause. By the beginning of July I was given a very unsavory diagnosis. Simple acts were now difficult and I had many fears of never being the same again. I also had left my “perfect” environment after the accident to get rehabilitated, separating me from my friends and what I loved to do.

 

After sitting with my feelings I realized that going back to the same party as last year made me realize what I had lost and reminded me of a perceived failure. In my mind I was looking at the party as a reminder of all that had went wrong and what I had lost.

 

Hence, the stomach pain and nausea. As soon as I went in to the party and connected with the pain, I began to accept it and myself. Then the pain lessened and the nausea disappeared. I realized everything was okay as it was. And so was I. I had lost many things last year, but gained much. Being with my friends and sharing my experience allowed me to heal in a way that I would not have done alone.

 

Had I stayed home or avoided feeling I would have missed a huge opportunity to come face to face with my pain. I would have continued lamenting and sitting with a stomach full of knots. I would have avoided feeling all together and stayed numb. Which never helps us mentally or physically in the long run.

 

Most importantly I would not have grown.  Even though I use the coaching tools I share with my clients daily, there are still times when I catch myself in my own pattern of avoidance. Then I sit and observe and allow myself to be imperfect.

 

In the New Year my best advice to you is to feel even when it is hard. Try feeling again even when your body distracts you. Then just accept you and love yourself regardless of how “good” you were at feeling your emotions. Then repeat.

It is definitely the time of year when we feel like everyone should be fa-la-laing and cheerful. We spend a lot of time decorating, baking, and planning parties. We want to create a perfect holiday and expect everyone to act accordingly.

 

Except they don’t.

 

And if you’re anything like me, you try to fix everything just right so everything feels good.

 

But you can’t.

 

That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned about the holidays and life in general. Fixing never works. It drains your energy and robs you of the present moment. It also doesn’t allow you to accept people for exactly what they are.

 

Way back, probably in your childhood, you learned if you tried really hard you could fix a situation and make everyone feel better. You may remember it as the childhood fantasy of changing grey skies to blue. It may have worked some of the time, but after awhile it just got frustrating. But you still did it because it’s what you knew how to do. And maybe others were relying on you to do it. So you did. And maybe you still do.

 

And that’s okay.

 

The best we can do is not try to force others to change or to change ourselves. Too many of us spend so much time in self sabotage we don’t even know what it’s like to have a minute, day, or year where we aren’t trying to force ourselves to be a certain way.

 

My holiday wish to you is to allow yourself to be whatever version of yourself that you really are. And be okay with it. You may overeat, argue with your mother, or forget to send out that gift. Instead of criticizing yourself for not being a better, more perfect version of yourself, do nothing about it. And you might notice something really peculiar… you relax and so do the people around you.

 

And if you find yourself laughing over a burnt dinner, oblivious to the family criticism or just floating on air in general, you’ll know you found the reason to fa-la-la this holiday season: being you.

 

Whether you are having a challenging day, month or year the quickest and most effective way to feel more lightness in your life is to focus on gratitude. Being grateful isn’t hard, when you allow yourself to be filled with joy over even the smallest of things. I find it helpful to make two lists big and small. And no matter how small it is, it still counts!

 

My Gratitude List

 

Big Stuff:

 

My husband, my dog Aspen, family and friends.

 

All of my clients and readers of my blog.

 

My health.

 

My home.

 

 

Small Stuff:

 

Morning walks with the dog.

 

Slipping into bed with a good book.

 

My husband making dinner.

 

Finding just the right nail polish color.

 

Smile from a stranger.

 

Knowing that the answer may not be in front of me but it’s very close.

 

Staying in the moment.

 

Long showers.

 

Music of any kind.

 

Dancing with my dog.

 

Finding an amazing piece of art.

 

Hot cup of tea.

 

Super warm blanket.

I was walking around downtown Asheville, NC last week and noticed a bookstore with a sign that said, “Eat, Sleep, Read”. On the other side of the window there was a sign for the children’s section that said, “Snack, Sleep, Read”. I found myself immediately attracted to both of these ideas. It got me thinking about how a lot of us adults live a life of tight schedules and don’t create the time for such a simple thing.


It’s funny when you think about it, because as a young child that is really what your life consisted of. Don’t you notice that kids have the best imaginations? They are full of fun and creativity. They know exactly what they want to do at every moment and absolutely everything is exciting. The reason they can experience life so fully is because they often have days full of nothing but snacking, sleeping, and reading. This allows them to be fully aware, energized and engaged in life.

 

When was the last time you felt that way?


For many of my clients it has been a long time. And even though they are beginning to create a path of change and understand the value of self development in their lives, they never make the time to do something as simple as eat, sleep, read (feel free to insert your favorite activity here). When I ask them why, I notice the response is always the same: when could I fit that in? We make it way too hard. Our minds immediately go to what won’t get done if we actually took the time to do nothing but eat, sleep, and read. We try so hard to get everything done just right, that we shortchange our bodies in the process.


Our bodies and minds are craving that unscheduled free time, just like kids think recess is the most important time of the day. Many of my clients give themselves so little unscheduled time that their bodies are telling them physically in the form of stomach issues or other physical pain.


Even if you are not feeling it physically, your mind is craving a break. All of that nonstop doing turns your brain to mush. Does the word autopilot resonate with you? It becomes near impossible to focus fully at work, create a new career path, or doing anything that requires a fully engaged mind when you don’t allow yourself that time to refuel.


I am fully aware that you may have a job, kids, and responsibilities. However, I am fully confident in the fact that if you give yourself one day to do nothing but snack sleep and read (or insert your fun activity) you will feel refreshed and the clarity you are seeking will make an appearance naturally.